It is past midnight and the laptop is still open on the dining table. There is a spreadsheet with three columns: sell Mummy’s house to pay for her care, rent it out and hope the income covers the nursing home, or move her in with us and turn the study into a bedroom. Each column has been recalculated a dozen times. None of them works cleanly. Every option costs somebody something.
Many households know a version of this night. Whether to accept the job overseas and leave the house half-built. Whether to take the buyer’s low offer or wait another year. Whether to let a struggling brother live in the rental for free. The research has been done. The advice has been sought. And still there is no answer that fits neatly on the page.
Trust, and then what?
Proverbs 3 is where many of us turn in moments like this:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV)
It is worth noticing what this does not say. It does not tell us to stop thinking. The book of Proverbs is full of instructions to seek wisdom, gather counsel, plan carefully and consider the ant who stores up food in summer. The same chapter goes on to praise wisdom and understanding as more valuable than silver. God is not against spreadsheets.
What the verse warns against is leaning, putting our whole weight on our own understanding as if it were the thing holding us up. Understanding is a good tool. It is a poor foundation. When the numbers run out, as they sometimes do, the question is what we are standing on.
The rest of the chapter is about the house
It is easy to lift verses 5 and 6 out on their own, but the verses around them are remarkably domestic. Verse 9 calls us to honour the Lord with our wealth and the firstfruits of our produce. Verses 27 and 28 warn against withholding good from someone who is owed it when it is in our power to act, and against telling a neighbour to come back tomorrow when we could help today. Verse 33 says the Lord blesses the home of the righteous.
Read together, the chapter suggests that trusting God with our decisions is bound up with how we treat people and possessions along the way. That can be surprisingly practical when the choice is hard. If none of the options is clearly right, we can at least ask which one lets us act justly, keep our word, care for the vulnerable and avoid putting someone off who needs us now.
Leaning, in practice
What does it look like to lean on God at a dining table covered in paperwork? For many families it is something like this:
- Close the laptop. Decisions made at one in the morning, exhausted and anxious, are rarely the best ones. Sleep is itself an act of trust.
- Pray with the people affected. Not only for them. If it is Mummy’s house, ask her what she wants and pray with her about it. If it is a family decision, pray together, even if it feels awkward.
- Get the right counsel. An attorney-at-law, a financial adviser, a social worker or a pastor who knows your family can all see things you cannot.
- Accept that you may choose imperfectly. Straight paths in Proverbs are not paths without difficulty. They are paths God walks with us on, and he can redeem choices that turn out harder than we hoped.
The weight you were never meant to carry
There is a particular loneliness in being the one who has to decide. Often it falls to the eldest daughter, the child who lives nearest, or the spouse who handles the money. They carry the spreadsheet, the phone calls, the guilt and the late nights, and sometimes the criticism of relatives who were not in the room.
If that is you, hear this plainly: God does not require you to be omniscient. Leaning on him includes admitting that you cannot see the whole picture, and letting him hold what you cannot. It may also mean letting other people share the load, asking siblings to contribute, or accepting help from your church.
For reflection
- What decision about your home or family are you carrying as though it all depended on you?
- Among the options before you, which one best reflects justice, kindness and faithfulness to the people involved, even if it is not the easiest?
A prayer: Lord, I have done the sums and they still do not settle my heart. I cannot see far enough ahead to know which way is best. I choose to lean on you instead of my own understanding. Give me wisdom, give me good counsel, and give me peace to act. Bless this home, and the people in it, whatever we decide. Amen.
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