The hurricane took half the zinc off Miss Pauline’s roof, or so the story goes in more than one district. Her church offered to send men on Saturday with new sheets and nails. Her son in New Jersey offered to wire the money. A neighbour offered his tarpaulin for the meantime. And Miss Pauline, seventy-eight and fiercely independent, said to all of them, “No, man, I will manage.”
She managed, in her way, with buckets under the worst leaks and a bedroom she could no longer use, for most of the rainy season. When her son finally flew down and saw the state of the house, he did not know whether to be angry or to cry.
Miss Pauline is a composite, but most of us know someone like her. Some of us are her.
Why receiving is so hard
Caribbean culture, like many others, prizes independence and hard work. “Nobody can say they gave me anything” is a statement of pride for many older people who built their houses one block at a time. And there is real dignity in that. Paul himself worked with his hands so as not to be a burden (1 Thessalonians 2:9).
But independence can quietly turn into something else. We refuse help because accepting it feels like admitting weakness. We worry about owing people. We have seen family help come with strings attached: the relative who sends money for the roof and then expects to decide who lives in the house. We fear being talked about. Or, deeper down, we simply do not believe we deserve it.
How much more
Romans 8:32 is one of the great “how much more” arguments in Scripture: “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?” (NKJV).
The logic is simple. God has already given the greatest possible gift. Anything else He gives is smaller by comparison. If we have received Christ, it makes little sense to be too proud to receive anything further.
Notice the word “freely”. Grace is, by definition, a gift we cannot earn. The Christian life begins with receiving something we did not deserve and could never repay. People who struggle to accept any help from others often, if they are honest, struggle to accept grace from God as well. Both require the same humility: letting someone else give.
When pride costs the household
Refusing help is rarely a private matter. It affects the people around us.
- A leak left unrepaired becomes rotten rafters and a much bigger bill.
- A family that will not ask for advice about arrears may lose the house when a conversation with the lender could have found a way through.
- An elderly parent who refuses a grab rail or a ramp may fall.
- Adult children who are turned away feel shut out and helpless.
Sometimes, accepting help is the more loving thing to do, both for ourselves and for the people who want to give it.
Receiving well
Receiving help gracefully is a skill, and like any skill it can be learned.
Say thank you, and stop there. Resist the urge to explain why you needed help or to promise immediate repayment. A simple thank you honours the giver.
Be clear about what is a gift and what is a loan. Many family rows over houses start with money that one person thought was a gift and the other thought was a loan, or a share. If a relative is contributing significantly to a property, it is wise to agree in writing what it means, ideally with advice from an attorney-at-law.
Let people help in the way they can. Not everyone has money. The church brother with a ladder and a free Saturday is offering something just as real.
Pass it on. The best response to grace is usually more grace. Those who have been helped often become the most generous helpers.
All things
Romans 8:32 does not promise that God will give us every house or every thing we want. The “all things” in context are what we need to stand firm in Christ, and the chapter goes on to speak of hardship, danger and suffering that may still come (Romans 8:35-39). But it does promise that God is a giver, not a withholder, and that He is for us.
Sometimes His giving comes directly. Often it comes through a neighbour’s tarpaulin, a son’s wire transfer, a group of men from church with a box of roofing nails. Learning to say yes to those gifts is part of learning to receive from God Himself.
If there is a leak in your house, whether in the roof or somewhere less visible, and someone has offered to help, perhaps this is the week to let them.
This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.
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