For the family doing the building, it is an exciting season. The foundation is going in, the blocks are rising, and every Saturday there is something new to see. For the family on the other side of the fence, it can be a very different experience. Their washing on the line is grey with cement dust. A truck blocks their gate at seven in the morning. The mixer starts before the baby wakes. And after the first heavy rain, water that used to soak into your bare lot is running off your new slab and into their yard.
Few of us set out to be inconsiderate neighbours. We simply become so focused on our own project that other people’s experience of it slips out of view.
A different way of looking
Paul’s words to the Philippians fit a building site surprisingly well: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).
Notice that Paul does not say we must stop looking to our own interests. Building a home for your family is a good and legitimate interest. What he asks is that we look out “also” for others. Humility here is not about abandoning the project. It is about widening our field of vision until it takes in the people who live with its consequences.
He then points to Christ, who “made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant” (Philippians 2:7). The one who had every right to put himself first chose to set his own interests aside for ours. That is the pattern Paul holds up, and it reaches all the way down to how we treat the neighbour whose yard is taking our run-off.
What looking to their interests might mean
Humility on a building site is rarely a grand gesture. It tends to show up in small, practical choices:
- Speaking first. Before work starts, knock on the neighbours’ doors. Tell them what you are building, roughly how long it will take, and how they can reach you if there is a problem.
- Keeping reasonable hours. Ask your contractor to avoid very early starts and late finishes, and to keep Sundays quiet where that matters on your road.
- Managing deliveries. Arrange for trucks and sand piles not to block other people’s gates or the road.
- Thinking about water. Ask your designer and builder how roof and surface water will be handled so that your new house does not send its rain into someone else’s foundations.
- Respecting the boundary. Have the pegs confirmed by a surveyor, keep scaffolding and materials on your side, and ask before you need access to the neighbour’s land.
- Putting things right. If your work cracks their wall, damages their pipe or kills their plants, own it and fix it without waiting to be pushed.
The harder part: listening to complaints
Sooner or later, someone will complain. Perhaps fairly, perhaps not. Perhaps politely, perhaps with a raised voice over the fence. Our instinct is to defend the project: we have approval, we are paying good money, they made noise when they built too.
“Lowliness of mind” suggests another first response: to listen as though the complaint might be true. It may be that the dust really is unbearable, or that the neighbour, who works nights, really cannot sleep. Esteeming others better than ourselves does not mean agreeing to every demand. It means taking their experience seriously enough to consider it honestly before we answer.
Sometimes the humble response is an apology and a change of schedule. Sometimes it is a calm explanation of what can and cannot be done. Occasionally it is a small gift: a cleaning of their car after a particularly dusty week, or help repainting the side of their wall once the work is finished.
A house that begins well
A house is built in a few months or a few years, but you will likely live beside the same people far longer. The way you build becomes the first chapter of your relationship with them. Families who build considerately often find that, by the time they move in, the neighbours are the first to bring a plate of food or offer to watch the house when they travel. Families who build carelessly may spend years repairing a relationship that the construction damaged.
Paul hoped the Philippians would be “like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord” (Philippians 2:2). On a street, that kind of unity begins with small acts of consideration, offered before anyone asks for them.
For reflection
- If I stood in my neighbour’s yard for a day during our building work, what would I notice?
- Is there a complaint I dismissed too quickly, or damage I have not yet put right?
Lord Jesus, you set aside your own interests for ours. As we build, help us to see the people around us, to listen when they are troubled and to put right what we disturb. Let our home begin in humility and grow in peace with our neighbours. Amen.
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