A reader writes:
Nadine and I have been friends since first form. We sat together in chemistry, stood at each other’s weddings, and she was the one who drove to the hospital at 2am when my father had his heart attack. There is nobody outside my family I trust more.
About three months ago she came to me with an idea. There is a two-bedroom house in a scheme near Old Harbour that she has been watching. She says if we put our savings together we could buy it outright or with a small mortgage, rent it out, split the income and “finally make our money work”. She has a spreadsheet. She has spoken to an agent. She is excited in a way I haven’t seen since before her divorce, and I don’t want to be the one to take that from her.
But something in me keeps pulling back. I have been saving for eleven years, slowly, from a teacher’s salary. It is not a fortune, but it is everything I have. Nadine earns more than me but she spends more too, and I know she had a hard time with debt a few years ago. She has sorted herself out since, I believe that, but it still sits at the back of my mind. I also don’t know what happens if one of us wants out, or gets sick, or if the tenant stops paying. When I ask her, she laughs and says, “We’ll work it out, man, it’s me!”
My husband says it’s my money and my decision, which is kind but not much help. My sister says never do business with friends. I have been praying about it and I don’t feel peace, but I also don’t know if that is the Holy Spirit or just fear, because I have always been cautious to a fault.
I keep telling Nadine “let me think about it” and she is starting to get hurt. How do I decide this without ruining a thirty-year friendship?
— Andrea, Spanish Town
Our response
Andrea, the care in your letter comes through in every line: for Nadine, for your savings and for getting this right. Hesitating is not the same as betraying her. A friend of thirty years deserves a considered answer, not a quick one, and “let me think about it” is fair, as long as you really are thinking it through and not just putting it off.
It might help to separate two questions that have got tangled: Is this a good investment? and Is this a good way to invest with Nadine? A property can be a sound purchase and still be a poor partnership, and the reverse is true too.
On the investment itself, ask the questions you would ask if a stranger had brought you the idea:
- What rent do similar houses in that scheme actually achieve, and how long do they sit empty between tenants?
- What will the running costs be each year: property tax, insurance, repairs, maintenance fees and any agent’s charges?
- Once those are paid, what is left for each of you, and how does that compare with keeping your savings somewhere safer?
- How much of your savings would still be available for emergencies after you put your share in?
On the partnership, the things that worry you are the right ones. Before anything is signed, co-owners generally need clear, written answers on:
- whose names go on the title, and in what shares;
- who pays for repairs and what happens if one person can’t pay their part;
- who manages the tenant and who makes decisions;
- how one of you can sell your share, and how it will be valued;
- what happens to each share if one of you dies or becomes seriously ill.
An attorney-at-law can explain the ways two people can hold property together and help draw up a co-ownership agreement. A financial adviser can look at whether this fits your wider situation. This is not about distrusting Nadine. Clear agreements protect friendships precisely because they are settled while everyone is still on good terms. “We’ll work it out” works well until the day you both remember the agreement differently.
You might suggest to her that you go through these questions together, with a professional, before deciding anything. How she responds will tell you a lot. If she welcomes it, you are on firmer ground. If she brushes it off, that is useful to know before your eleven years of savings are tied up in a house.
As for your lack of peace, Scripture encourages us to seek advice: “Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counsellors they are established” (Proverbs 15:22). Your unease may simply be telling you that you need more information. Gather it, take it back to God, and see whether the picture changes.
And if you finally decide not to go ahead, tell her gently and honestly: that you love her, that your savings are all you have, and that the risk feels too heavy for you. A friendship that survived chemistry class and a 2am hospital run can survive a kind “no”. It may even come out stronger for your honesty.
This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.
Reader letters may be edited for length and clarity, and names and identifying details are changed.
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