Picture a family meeting on a verandah on a Sunday afternoon. The house belonged to their mother, and she has been gone two years. The roof needs work, the property tax is behind, and somebody has to decide whether to sell or keep it. Around the table sit five grown children, a couple of spouses and an aunt who has come to “keep the peace”.
Within half an hour, the conversation is no longer about the roof. It is about Marcus. Marcus who lived in the house for years and paid nothing. Marcus who borrowed against his share of something that was not his to borrow against. Marcus who let the back room fall to pieces. Every item is true. Everyone at the table has a story. The folder of receipts comes out, and so do old grievances from twenty years ago. Marcus sits with his arms folded, staring at the floor.
Most families have a Marcus, or have been one. And most of us know what it feels like to hold a stone.
A woman in the middle of the circle
In John 8, a group of religious leaders drag a woman into the temple courts. She has been caught in adultery, they say, and the law is clear. They set her in the middle of the crowd and ask Jesus what he thinks should happen to her. The trap is obvious. The woman is barely a person to them; she is evidence.
Jesus bends down and writes on the ground. When they keep pressing him, he straightens up and says, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first” (John 8:7). Then he bends down again. One by one, beginning with the oldest, they drop their stones and walk away.
It is worth noticing what Jesus does not say. He does not pretend she has done nothing wrong. When the crowd has gone, he tells her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Grace and truth arrive together. What he refuses to do is let her failure become a weapon in someone else’s hand.
When the house becomes the courtroom
Family property has a way of turning a living room into a courtroom. Money, memory and love are knotted together, and the one who has fallen short is an easy target. There is real wrongdoing to deal with sometimes: unpaid bills, broken promises, a share sold without telling anyone. Pretending otherwise helps nobody, least of all the person who did it.
But there is a difference between dealing with a problem and building a case. The first looks forward: what needs to be repaid, what arrangement is fair now, how do we keep the house standing. The second looks backwards and around the table, gathering support. It is the difference between a meeting that ends with a plan and one that ends with a family that no longer speaks.
Jesus’s question lands on each of us. Who kept up every promise to Mummy? Who visited as often as they said they would? Who has never borrowed and been slow to pay back? The eldest walked away first in John 8, perhaps because they had lived long enough to know their own record.
Putting the stone down without dropping the matter
What might it look like, at that verandah table, to put the stones down?
- Speaking to Marcus privately before the meeting, rather than ambushing him in front of everyone.
- Keeping the agenda to the house: the roof, the tax, the decision. Old hurts can be dealt with, but not all at once and not as ammunition.
- Stating facts once, calmly, and then asking, “What can we agree is fair from here?”
- Letting the person who failed also be the person who helps put things right, if they are willing.
- Getting a neutral voice, such as a pastor, an attorney or a trusted elder, when emotions run too high.
Paul writes that when someone is caught in a wrong, those who are spiritual should restore them gently, watching themselves in case they are tempted too (Galatians 6:1). Restoration is the goal. The aim is not to win the argument about the house but to still be a family when the house is sorted.
The one in the middle
If you are the one sitting in the middle of that circle, John 8 is for you too. You may have let people down. You may have taken more than your share or failed to look after something you were trusted with. Jesus’s words do not wave that away. They do mean your failure is not the last word about you. “Go and sin no more” is an invitation to a different chapter: to pay back what you can, to take responsibility, and to walk out of the courtyard free.
For reflection
- Is there someone in your family whose failures you bring up whenever property or money is discussed?
- What would it take to deal with the real problem without building a case against the person?
- Where do you need to hear “neither do I condemn you” for yourself?
A prayer
Lord Jesus, you saw the woman in the middle of the crowd and refused to let her be used as a weapon. Help us to see each other that way when we gather to talk about our homes and our land. Give us courage to name what is wrong, grace to put our stones down, and wisdom to build something fair together. Amen.
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