Sharing a Room, Moving House, Doing the Dishes: A Word to Young People About Attitude at Home

This one is for the young people. Maybe you are fifteen and sharing a bedroom with a younger brother who snores and leaves his football boots on your side. Maybe your family has just moved, and you have left behind the friends you walked to school with since you were six. Maybe your parents are building, and every spare dollar goes into blocks and steel while you watch everybody else get new phones. Maybe Grandma has moved in and you have given up your room.

Home is where our attitude gets tested first. It is easy to be pleasant at youth group for two hours. It is harder at seven in the morning when the bathroom is occupied and somebody has finished the milk.

Storms reveal what is already there

James wrote to people going through real hardship, and he opened his letter with a line that sounds almost unreasonable:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” (James 1:2, NIV)

He is not saying the trial itself is fun. He goes on to explain that the testing of our faith produces perseverance, and that perseverance, allowed to finish its work, makes us mature and complete (James 1:3-4). In other words, the hard thing is doing something in you. It is building character, the way a mason builds a wall one block at a time.

That is worth knowing when life at home feels unfair. The shared room, the tight budget, the move to a new town: none of these are wasted. How you handle them now is shaping the kind of adult you will be.

What a good attitude at home actually looks like

Having a good attitude does not mean pretending you are happy about everything. God is not asking you to fake a smile. But there is a difference between feeling disappointed and letting disappointment run the house. Here are a few practical ways that difference shows up.

• Doing your share without being asked twice. Washing up, sweeping the verandah, bringing in the clothes before the rain. Small jobs done willingly change the mood of a whole household.
• Saying how you feel, respectfully. “I’m finding it hard sharing a room. Can we talk about how to make it work?” gets a much better hearing than slamming a door.
• Noticing what your parents are carrying. If money is tight because they are building or paying a mortgage, they are probably more worried than they let you see. A kind word from you can mean more than you know.
• Welcoming the new person. When a grandparent, cousin or step-sibling moves in, you have the power to make them feel either like a guest or like family.
• Taking care of your space. Even if it is only half a room, keeping it tidy is a way of respecting the home you have been given.

You are learning to build a home

Here is something that might surprise you. One day, God willing, you will have a place of your own. You might rent a room in a city far from home, or share a flat at university, or save for years to build on a piece of family land. The habits you are forming now will move in with you.

If you learn to share, you will be a better flatmate. If you learn to be patient when there is not enough, you will manage money better when your own bills arrive. If you learn to apologise to your little sister, you will one day know how to apologise to your spouse and your children. Joseph learned patience in a house that was not his own, first as a servant and then in a prison, before God gave him a home and a family. None of those years were wasted.

When home is genuinely hard

Some of you are going through more than sibling squabbles. Maybe your parents are separating, or a house has been lost, or someone at home is sick. A good attitude does not mean carrying that alone. Talk to a parent, a trusted relative, a teacher, a youth leader or a pastor. If anyone at home is hurting you or making you feel unsafe, that is not something to be patient about; tell a trusted adult straight away. God cares about how you are doing, not just how you are behaving.

Think about it

• What is the hardest thing about home for you right now, and how have you been responding to it?
• What is one small thing you could do this week to make your house feel more peaceful for everyone?

Holla @ God: Lord, you know what it is like in my house right now, the good parts and the frustrating parts. Help me to see my family the way you see them. When I feel like complaining, give me patience. When I feel left out or overlooked, remind me that you see me. Use this season to build something strong in me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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