A Refuge for the Oppressed: When Home Is Not a Safe Place

Content note: this devotional discusses domestic abuse. If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.

Most of what we write on this site assumes that home is a good place. We talk about roofs and gardens, mortgages and verandahs, the table where the family gathers. We speak of the house as a shelter from the storm.

But for some readers, the storm is inside the house. The sound of a key in the lock brings fear, not relief. Money is controlled. Phones are checked. Documents disappear from the drawer. The walls that were supposed to protect have become the walls that hold them in.

If that is you, this is written for you first.

God sees what happens behind the gate

Abuse thrives on hiddenness. It happens behind closed doors, often in homes that look respectable from the road, sometimes in families that are in church every Sunday. Neighbours may not know. Relatives may not believe. The person suffering may be told, again and again, that nobody will listen.

Scripture says otherwise. “The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble” (Psalm 9:9). God is not indifferent to what happens behind a locked gate. He is not on the side of the one who controls, frightens or harms. He calls Himself a refuge for exactly the person who has nowhere else to go.

Safety is not a lack of faith

Some people living with abuse have been told, sometimes by well-meaning Christians, that they must endure it, pray harder, submit more, or keep the family together at any cost. That is not the heart of God. A marriage or a household is meant to reflect His love, and love “does no harm to a neighbour” (Romans 13:10). Seeking safety for yourself and your children is not a failure of faith. It can be an act of faith: trusting that God’s care for you is real enough to act on.

Prayer matters deeply. So does a locked door, a trusted friend and a plan.

Small, careful steps

If you are not safe at home, you do not have to work everything out at once. Specialist support services exist in many countries to help people think through their options confidentially, and they understand the risks involved in leaving or staying. Some first steps people often find helpful:

• Tell one trusted person. A friend, relative, pastor or doctor who will believe you and keep what you say private.
• Contact a domestic abuse support service or the police where you live, using a phone or computer you are confident is not being monitored, such as a friend’s device or one at a library.
• Keep copies of important documents somewhere the other person cannot reach: identification, birth certificates, your children’s papers, any title, lease or mortgage documents, bank details and medical records.
• Think about money. If possible, keep a small amount of cash or an account the other person cannot access, and speak to your bank about securing your accounts.
• Know where you could go in an emergency, and how you would get there.
• Get legal advice from an attorney-at-law or a legal aid service about protection orders, your rights to the home and arrangements for children.

A support worker can help you make a safety plan that fits your situation. Please do not feel you have to do it alone.

A word to the rest of us

For those of us whose homes are safe, this is a call to become a refuge for others. “Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy” (Proverbs 31:8–9).

That might mean believing a friend when she finally tells you. Not repeating it. Not rushing to tell her what she must do, but asking how you can help. Offering a spare room, a phone, a lift, a safe place to leave a bag of documents. For churches, it may mean learning how to respond well, making sure leaders know where to refer people, and never pressuring anyone to stay in danger for the sake of appearances.

A home is meant to be a place of shelter. When it is not, the people of God can be part of how shelter is found.

For reflection

• If my home is not safe, who is one person I could tell?
• If my home is safe, how could I make it, and my church, a place where someone in danger would feel able to come?

God our refuge, You see what happens behind every door. Protect those who are afraid in their own homes. Give them courage, wise help and a safe place to go. Make us people who believe, who shelter and who speak up. Be a very present help in trouble. Amen.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

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