He Paid the Deposit, So He Says the House Should Be in His Name Only

A reader writes:

My partner Devon and I have been together six years. We are not married yet but we are engaged, and we have a four-year-old son. We are in the middle of buying a three-bedroom townhouse, and last week he told me he wants it in his name only.

His reasoning is that he paid the whole deposit. It is true. He got a settlement from an accident at work a few years ago and he has kept it all this time. I have nothing like that. But I work full time as a pharmacy technician and the plan was always that I would pay half of the mortgage, and I already pay most of the groceries and our son’s daycare. He says that once we are married “it won’t matter anyway” and that putting me on now would just “complicate things with the bank”.

I love him and I don’t think he is trying to cheat me. His father walked out on his mother and left her with nothing, and I think he is scared of that happening to him in reverse. But I am scared too. If something happened between us, or God forbid to him, where would my son and I be? I have been paying half of something that isn’t mine.

My mother says I should refuse to sign anything. My pastor’s wife says I should trust him. I feel like I am being asked to choose between being wise and being loving. Am I being unreasonable?

— Tamika, Spanish Town

Our response

Dear Tamika, you are not being unreasonable. Wanting to understand where you and your son stand in a home you will help pay for is not a lack of love or trust. It is good stewardship, and it protects Devon as much as you. You have also shown real compassion in seeing the fear behind his request. That is a good starting point for a conversation rather than a fight.

The two concerns here are both legitimate. Devon wants his deposit, a large one-off contribution, recognised and protected. You want your years of mortgage payments and household contributions recognised and protected. The question is not really “whose name” but “how do we fairly reflect what each of us has put in”.

Some options to explore with a lawyer

• Joint ownership in unequal shares. In many places, two people can own a property together but in shares that reflect their contributions, for example with Devon’s deposit counted first. Ask how this works where you are buying.
• A written agreement between you. Even if only one name is on the title, a properly drafted agreement can record that the deposit came from Devon and that you are contributing to the mortgage, and set out what happens if you separate or if one of you dies. Its effect depends on local law, so take proper advice.
• Wills and insurance. Whatever the title says, both of you should have wills, and it is worth asking about life cover linked to the mortgage, so that your son has a home if the worst happens.
• Revisiting after marriage. Devon may be right that marriage changes things, but how much depends on the law where you live, and some changes to a title later can involve costs. Do not assume; ask.

Questions to ask together

• Will the lender need both our incomes to approve the mortgage? If so, will I be a borrower without being an owner, and what does that mean for me?
• If we separated in five years, what would each of us walk away with under each option?
• If one of us died, who would the house go to, and where would our son live?
• Is Devon’s worry really about the deposit, or about something deeper that we should talk through first?

We would gently suggest that you both see an attorney-at-law together, and that you also get independent advice of your own, since your interests are not identical. A mortgage adviser or your lender can explain how the loan itself would be structured. If it helps, a trusted pastor or counsellor could sit with you both for the conversation about fears and history, which may be the harder part.

You asked if you must choose between being wise and being loving. Scripture does not set those against each other. Proverbs speaks of a house being built by wisdom and established by understanding, and Paul urges believers to do things “decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40). Clear arrangements are one of the ways couples care for each other. If you and Devon can work this out openly now, before you sign, you will have practised the kind of honest partnership your marriage will need for years to come.

Reader letters may be edited for length and clarity, and names and identifying details are changed.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

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