It usually starts with a phone call. A brother needs help with the deposit on a flat. A cousin’s roof blew off and the insurance will not pay. A niece is going to university abroad and the fees are due before her grant comes through. You have a little saved, so you send it. Everyone says thank you. Everyone says they will pay it back.
Some do. Many do not, or not fully, or not for a very long time. And the money, which was once just money, turns into something heavier. It sits between you at every family gathering. You notice when the brother buys a new car. You mention it, sharply, to your spouse. You do not mention it to him. Years pass, and the debt becomes part of the furniture of the relationship.
An old law about letting go
The law of Moses included a remarkable provision. “At the end of every seven years you shall grant a release of debts” (Deuteronomy 15:1). Every creditor who had lent to a neighbour was to release it and not demand repayment, “because it is called the LORD’s release” (Deuteronomy 15:2).
The same chapter anticipated the obvious objection. It warned people not to become tight-fisted as the seventh year drew near, refusing to lend because they knew they might never see the money again (Deuteronomy 15:9). Instead, they were to open their hand generously to a brother in need.
Scholars discuss exactly how this was meant to work and how often it was practised. What is clear is the heart behind it. Debt between neighbours was never meant to become a permanent chain. There was supposed to be a point when the ledger was cleared, and people could look each other in the eye again as equals.
Rest that includes release
The seventh year was a kind of Sabbath stretched across time. The land rested. Servants went free. Debts were released. Rest in the Bible is not only about sleeping late on a day off. It is about letting go of what binds us, and what we bind others with.
That is a searching idea for families. Many of us carry anxieties about bills that we have not handed to God. Peter’s instruction is to be “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). But some of us are also carrying other people’s debts in our chests, rehearsing them at night, letting them sour our love. Those need releasing too.
Release does not always mean forgetting the money
It is important to be honest here. Letting go of resentment is not the same as pretending a debt never existed, and it is not always wise or possible to cancel a loan. If you lent your retirement savings to a sibling for a house, you may genuinely need that money back. Some debts should be repaid, and a borrower who can pay but chooses not to is not being treated kindly by being let off.
But there are several kinds of release a family can consider:
- Releasing the debt entirely. Deciding, prayerfully and deliberately, that the money was a gift. Then telling the other person clearly, so they are not left carrying guilt.
- Releasing part of it. Agreeing a smaller amount that is realistic, and writing off the rest.
- Releasing the timetable. Agreeing a new, affordable repayment plan and stopping the silent pressure.
- Releasing the resentment. Still hoping for repayment, but choosing to stop letting the debt define the relationship.
Any of these can be an act of grace. What causes the most damage is the option most families choose by default: saying nothing, forgiving nothing, and letting the grievance grow.
Consider two sisters
Imagine two sisters. Years ago, the elder lent the younger money towards a deposit on a small house in the country. The younger has paid back some of it, then stopped when her husband lost his job. Neither has raised the matter since. But the elder brings it up in her head every time the younger posts a photo of a new verandah set.
One Christmas, the elder sister writes a short note. She says she has been praying about the loan. She says she would rather have her sister than the money. She tells her the rest is released, and that she does not want it mentioned again. The younger sister cries when she reads it, partly from relief, partly from shame at how long she let it hang.
The money is gone either way. What has come back is the relationship.
Lending wisely next time
The generosity of Deuteronomy 15 is not an argument for careless lending. Some families find these habits help:
- Only lend what you could afford to lose, and ask yourself honestly whether you would be willing to make it a gift.
- If it is a loan, write down the amount, the purpose and a repayment plan, and both sign it. Clarity is kindness.
- For larger sums, especially towards property, speak to an attorney-at-law about recording the arrangement properly.
- Agree how you will talk about it if things go wrong, before they do.
The debt we have been released from
Christians pray “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). We say it so often that we can forget how radical it is. The gospel is the story of a debt we could never repay being released in full. Every other release we offer, whether of money, of resentment or of a grudge over the family land, is a small echo of that one.
There may be a phone call you need to make this week. Not to demand, but to release. It will not balance your books. It may do something much better for your rest.
This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.
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