The decorations box comes down from the top of the wardrobe the same way it does every year. The tinsel is tangled, the lights need testing, and there, at the bottom, are the stockings with names sewn on them. This year there is one name that will not be hung.
Perhaps it belongs to a husband who moved out in March. A mother who died in the summer. A son who emigrated and cannot afford the flight home. Perhaps the stockings themselves are the problem, because this year you are in a smaller flat after the house was sold, and there is no mantelpiece, no staircase to wind the lights around, no room for the big table where everybody used to squeeze in.
For many people the season of lights is also the season when loss feels heaviest. The shops start playing carols in October. Social media fills with other families in matching pyjamas. Church programmes, office parties and school concerts all assume a kind of happiness that you are not sure you can manage. And the home, which is meant to be the centre of it all, has become the place where the change is most obvious.
Close to the brokenhearted
David wrote Psalm 34 after one of the most humiliating moments of his life, pretending to be mad in front of a foreign king in order to escape. It is a psalm from someone who has been frightened and small. And in the middle of it he says: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV).
Notice where God is in that sentence. Not waiting for the brokenhearted to recover and then rejoin the celebration. Not standing at a distance telling them to cheer up because it is Christmas. Close. In the flat with no mantelpiece. At the table with one chair too many. In the kitchen at midnight when you are icing a cake you are not sure anyone will eat.
This is, after all, what Christmas is about. The first Christmas was not a comfortable family gathering. It was a young couple far from home, turned away from proper lodging, with a baby laid in a feeding trough. God chose to come close in a household that was under strain. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, John says. He moved into the neighbourhood of our sorrow.
Permission to do Christmas differently
If your home has changed, it may help to let Christmas change too. Some people find comfort in keeping every tradition exactly the same. Others find that the old traditions only highlight what is missing. Neither response is more spiritual than the other.
- You might keep one or two traditions that matter most and quietly let the rest go this year.
- You might hang the missing stocking anyway, or put it away, or give it to someone who needs remembering.
- You might accept an invitation to someone else’s table rather than trying to recreate your own.
- You might set a spending limit and stick to it, because a gift bought on credit can become January’s grief.
- You might tell a trusted friend or your pastor honestly how you feel, instead of performing cheerfulness.
A smaller Christmas in a smaller home is still Christmas. The shepherds did not bring anything, and they were welcome.
For those who are not hurting this year
If your own house is full and happy this Christmas, give thanks. Then look around. There may be a neighbour spending the day alone, a colleague who has just separated, a church member whose husband died this year, a student from abroad with nowhere to go. An extra plate at your table, a phone call, a plate of food taken over on Boxing Day: these are the ways God’s closeness often arrives. We are the hands He uses.
For reflection
- What has changed in your home this year, and what would it mean to let Christmas look different because of it?
- Who near you might be facing a hard Christmas, and what small thing could you do?
A short prayer
Lord, You came close to us in a stable, among people who were tired and far from home. Come close to me now, in this changed house. I miss what I have lost. Hold me in the moments when the carols are too loud and the rooms are too quiet. Show me one or two people I can love this Christmas, and let me receive love from others too. In Jesus’ name, amen.
If this season brings feelings of deep sadness or hopelessness that will not lift, please reach out to your doctor, a counsellor, your pastor or someone you trust. If you ever feel unsafe or think you might harm yourself, contact your local emergency services straight away.
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