He Went Away Sad: The Rich Young Man and the House We Won’t Let Go Of

The house is too big now. The stairs are hard on her knees, the roof needs work she cannot afford, and three of the four bedrooms are shut up with sheets over the furniture. Her daughter has offered a room in her own home, close to the grandchildren. A young family at church is looking for somewhere to rent. Everyone can see a sensible way forward. And every time the subject comes up, she changes it.

Or perhaps it is a father who will not put his children’s names on the family land, though he is getting older and the paperwork is a mess. Or a couple who know they should rent out the downstairs flat to help with the mortgage, but cannot bear the thought of strangers in “our space”. Or a son abroad who keeps the house back home empty for years, refusing to sell and refusing to let anyone live in it.

We rarely call this unwillingness. We call it being careful, or sentimental, or not ready. Sometimes that is exactly what it is. But sometimes, if we are honest, it is a place where our heart has quietly closed its hand.

A good man with a closed hand

Mark tells the story of a man who ran up to Jesus and knelt before him, asking what he must do to inherit eternal life (Mark 10:17). He was sincere. He had kept the commandments since he was young. Mark includes a detail the other Gospels leave out: “Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him” (Mark 10:21, NKJV).

Only then does Jesus say the hard thing. One thing you lack: go, sell what you have, give to the poor, and come, follow me. And the man’s face falls. He goes away sad, Mark tells us, because he had great possessions (Mark 10:22).

We should be careful not to turn this into a rule that everyone must sell their house. Jesus did not say this to every person he met; he stayed in the homes of friends like Martha and Mary, and he did not ask them to give their home away. He said it to this man, because he could see where this man’s heart was held. The possessions were not the problem. The grip was.

Why houses are hard to release

Houses are not like other possessions. They hold memories: a husband’s handwriting on the wall where he measured the children, the kitchen where a mother cooked for forty years, the yard where the family gathered for every wedding and nine-night. For people who worked abroad for decades to build them, they hold a whole life’s sacrifice. For those who grew up with very little, they are proof that we made it.

So it is understandable that we hold them tightly. The question Jesus’ conversation raises is not whether we love our homes. It is whether there is anything about them we would not give up if he asked. An unwilling heart often shows itself in the conversations we refuse to have.

Looked at with love

The most important words in the story may be the ones before the challenge: Jesus, looking at him, loved him. The call to let go is not a punishment. It comes from someone who sees us clearly and wants us free.

Paul writes that the natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, because they seem like foolishness and can only be understood spiritually (1 Corinthians 2:14). Holding things loosely will often look foolish from the outside. Why would you give up the bigger house, let a stranger rent the flat, or put the land in your children’s names while you are still alive? The world’s logic says keep control. The Spirit sometimes says open your hand.

What willingness might look like

• Being willing to have the conversation with your children about the house, even if you don’t yet know the answer.
• Being willing to hear advice from an attorney about the land papers, rather than putting it off another year.
• Being willing to let an empty room serve someone who needs it.
• Being willing to pray, “Lord, show me what I am holding too tightly,” and to listen.

We don’t know what happened to the rich young man. Perhaps he came back. Many of us, faced with a hard word, go away sad for a while before we are ready to return. The good news is that the One who asked is still looking at us with love.

For reflection

• Is there a conversation about your home or land that you keep avoiding?
• What would change if you believed Jesus asked out of love rather than to take something from you?

A prayer: Lord Jesus, you see where my hand is closed. I love this house and all it holds. Help me to love you more. Where I am unwilling, make me willing to listen, and where you ask me to let go, give me grace not to walk away sad. Amen.

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