By the fourth viewing, the couple had stopped talking in the car. She loved the house near her mother, with the mango tree and the small back room that could be a nursery. He liked the newer townhouse closer to his work, with the gated entrance and the lower maintenance. Both had spreadsheets. Both had prayed. Both felt, quietly, that the other was not listening.
Anyone who has bought a home knows the feeling. The search that began with excitement can become a season of tension. Money, family expectations, commuting, schools, the fear of making a mistake that will last twenty-five years: it all lands at once. It is no surprise that house hunting tests marriages and friendships, and it is no surprise that many buyers lose their peace somewhere between the second offer and the mortgage valuation.
A referee in the room
Paul wrote to the Colossians: let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful (Colossians 3:15, NIV). The word translated “rule” is an interesting one. In Paul’s world it was used of an umpire at the games, the person who decided disputes and kept the contest fair.
That is a helpful picture for a big decision. Peace is not simply a pleasant feeling that comes after the choice is made. It is meant to be at work during the choosing, calling fouls, settling arguments, keeping the players from injuring each other. And Paul sets this peace in the context of a body, a community. He is not describing a private sense of calm but a shared life in which people treat one another well.
What the umpire watches for
If peace is the referee in a house decision, there are a few things it tends to flag.
Hurry. An agent tells you another buyer is circling. A relative insists you will never find a better price. Pressure has its place in a market, but decisions made in a rush often feel wrong for years. If you cannot take a night to sleep on it and pray, that itself is information.
Silence. When one partner stops expressing doubts because it has become easier to go along, the peace in the house is already under strain. A good decision can survive honest disagreement. A decision made over a partner’s unspoken objection usually cannot.
Stretch. A mortgage payment that only works if nothing goes wrong tends to steal peace every month. Many buyers find that the house which leaves room in the budget brings more rest than the one with the extra bedroom.
Comparison. Buying to keep up with siblings, church friends or former classmates rarely ends in contentment. The umpire asks whose game you are playing.
Peace is not the same as no nerves
It is worth being careful here. Some people wait for a perfect, untroubled feeling before they will commit to anything, and they may wait forever. Every major purchase comes with some nerves. The peace Paul describes is deeper than the absence of butterflies. It is a settledness that the decision has been made honestly, wisely and together, with God invited into it, even if the stomach is still fluttering on the day you sign.
Nor is peace a substitute for doing the work. A calm feeling about a house does not replace a surveyor’s report, an attorney’s title check or a realistic budget. Often it is precisely doing that work carefully that allows peace to settle.
And be thankful
Paul’s three short words at the end of the verse are easy to miss. And be thankful. It is striking that he puts gratitude right beside peace, as if the two protect each other.
Gratitude changes house hunting. It lets you walk through a small, dated kitchen and notice the good light instead of only the old cupboards. It lets you thank God for the flat you are renting now, even while you look for something else. It softens the disappointment of losing a bid. And it guards against the endless upgrade, the feeling that the next house, the bigger one, will finally be enough.
Back in the car
Consider how things might go for the couple in the car if they let peace referee. They might agree to stop viewings for a week. They might each write down the three things that matter most to them in a home, and discover that they overlap more than they thought: safety, a manageable payment, and being near family. They might pray together, not for a sign, but for unity. They might ask a trusted older couple for their perspective.
Perhaps they choose one of the two houses. Perhaps they find a third. Either way, they arrive at the decision as a team, with the umpire still on the field and a thank you on their lips. That is a far better way to begin life in a new home than winning an argument.
A question to sit with
If you are in the middle of a housing decision, where has peace been calling a foul lately, and are you listening?
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