Somebody has to show you how to do it the first time. How to shut off the water main before the pipe floods the kitchen. How to tell a sound roof sheet from a rusted one. How to mix concrete so it does not crumble, read the small print on a tenancy agreement, open a savings account for land, or speak to a contractor so he knows you are paying attention. In many homes, a father teaches these things without ever calling it teaching. The boy or girl simply stands beside him in the yard on a Saturday and learns.
But a great many young people grow up without that father in the yard. Some never knew him. Some knew him and wish they had not. Some lost him too early. They reach adulthood carrying not only an emotional gap but a practical one: nobody ever showed them.
A Father to the fatherless
Scripture speaks directly to that gap. One of the most tender descriptions of God in the Psalms says:
“A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families.” (Psalm 68:5–6, NKJV)
Notice the second line. God does not only promise to be a Father in some distant, spiritual sense. He “sets the solitary in families”. He places lonely people among others who can love them. Very often, the way God fathers the fatherless is through people: an uncle, a teacher, a deacon, a neighbour, an older man at church who decides that this young person is his concern.
For someone whose earthly father caused them pain, the idea of God as Father can be hard to receive. Many such people say it was only when a godly older man showed them patient, steady love that they began to believe God might be like that too. Spiritual fathers are not replacements for God. They are windows through which His fatherhood becomes visible.
Fathering with a hammer in your hand
Spiritual fathering is often imagined as prayer and wise advice, and it is that. But some of the most powerful fathering happens with tools. Consider a young man in his early twenties, raised by his grandmother, who has just rented his first room. The louvre handle is broken, the toilet runs all night and the landlord is slow to respond. He has no idea where to start. An older man from church comes by one evening with a small toolbox. Together they fix the toilet, replace the handle and talk about the rent. Before he leaves, the older man shows him how to write a polite, clear message to the landlord about the other repairs.
It is a small evening. It may be the first time anyone has treated that young man as someone worth teaching. And the skills stay with him. Years later, he is the one fixing things for his own children, and perhaps for someone else’s.
What spiritual fathers can pass on
The things a father passes on about home and property are rarely written down. A spiritual father can offer them deliberately:
- Basic repairs: unblocking drains, changing fuses and bulbs safely, patching a leak, painting properly.
- Money habits: budgeting, saving for a deposit, avoiding debt traps, keeping receipts.
- Paperwork: reading a lease, understanding what a title is, knowing when to call an attorney.
- Dealing with people: how to hire a tradesman, ask for a quote, check work and pay fairly.
- Character: keeping your word to a landlord, looking after what is not yours, being a good neighbour.
None of these requires a pulpit. They require time, patience and a willingness to be interrupted.
The qualities that make it work
Those who have been blessed by spiritual fathers tend to describe the same things. They stayed. They did not give up after the first mistake. They corrected without humiliating. They forgave and moved on. They seemed to know what was needed before it was asked. In other words, they reflected the character of the Father Jesus described, who “knows the things you have need of before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:8, NKJV), and who promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5, NKJV).
Good spiritual fathering also has healthy boundaries. It happens in the open, often within the life of a church or family, and respects the young person’s dignity and independence. The aim is not dependence but maturity: a young adult who can one day stand on their own and help others.
An invitation to older men, and to those who need them
If you are an older man with some experience of building, fixing, saving or simply surviving, look around your church or your street. There is very likely a young person who has never had anyone show them. An hour on a Saturday could change more than a broken hinge.
If you are the one who never had a father to teach you, it is not too late to ask. Many people are glad to be asked. And if someone has already filled that role in your life, this might be the week to thank them.
God sets the solitary in families. Sometimes the family He sets them in meets at a workbench, with a toolbox open and a patient voice saying, “Here, let me show you.”
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