Holding Someone Else’s Keys: Trust When Family Leaves You in Charge of the House

Somewhere in a kitchen drawer in Spanish Town or Mandeville there is a bunch of keys that does not belong to the family who lives there. They belong to a sister in Brooklyn, or an uncle in Leeds, or a cousin in Toronto. With the keys, usually, comes a request: keep an eye on the house. Let in the plumber. Collect the rent from the tenant downstairs. Check on the workmen while they put on the roof. Send photos.

It is one of the quietest and most important forms of trust in diaspora family life. And many families can tell you a story of when it went wrong: rent that never reached the owner, a house used by someone who was never meant to live there, building money that turned into a car. Many can tell stories, too, of a relative who looked after a house for fifteen years without taking a single dollar they were not owed.

Faithful in little

Jesus puts the principle plainly: “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much” (Luke 16:10, KJV). The context is a parable about a manager entrusted with someone else’s property. The lesson is that small acts of stewardship reveal character, and character is what makes a person safe to trust with more.

Looking after someone’s house is full of small acts. Opening the windows so the rooms do not grow mould. Paying the property tax on time with the money they sent. Writing down exactly what the tenant paid, and when. Telling them the truth about the crack in the verandah rather than waiting until they visit. None of these is dramatic. All of them are the substance of trust.

Trust is character, not capability

People are rarely chosen to hold the keys because they are the most skilled builder or the best accountant in the family. They are chosen because someone believes they will be honest. That is worth remembering if you are the one holding them. You do not need to know everything about construction or property management. You need to be reliable, and to be truthful about what you do not know.

A few habits help:

• Do not overcommit. If you cannot visit the site every week, say so at the start. Suggest someone else who can, or agree a realistic schedule.
• Keep records. A simple notebook or spreadsheet of money received and spent, with receipts photographed and sent, protects both you and the owner.
• Keep money separate. Never mix the owner’s money with your own, even for a few days.
• Report bad news quickly. A problem reported early is a problem shared. A problem hidden becomes a question about your honesty.
• Ask before using. The spare room in their house is not yours to lend to a friend, however good the reason.

When you fall short

Everyone who has looked after a house for long enough has made a mistake. A bill paid late. A contractor trusted who should not have been. A tenant allowed to run up arrears because it felt awkward to chase them. Proverbs offers realistic comfort: “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again” (Proverbs 24:16, KJV). The just are not those who never fall. They are those who get back up, and who own what happened.

Trust is rarely broken by one mistake. It is broken by excuses, by silence and by blaming others. “I should have called you when the rent was late, and I did not. Here is what I am doing now” is a sentence that can save a relationship.

Guarding your words

Proverbs 10:8 warns that “a prating fool shall fall” (KJV). When you look after someone’s affairs, you come to know things: what they earn, what they owe, which family members they are not speaking to. Keeping those things to yourself is part of being trustworthy. The house-sitter who tells the whole district about the owner’s business is not someone anyone will hand keys to again.

For those handing over the keys

Trust works best with clear arrangements. If you are the owner abroad, put expectations in writing, even informally. Agree how money will be sent and accounted for. Consider whether a formal document, such as a power of attorney or a management agreement, would protect everyone; an attorney-at-law can explain the options. Say thank you often, and offer something for the time involved. Faithful caretakers deserve to be honoured.

For reflection

• What has someone entrusted to you, keys, money, a responsibility, that you could steward more faithfully this month?
• Is there a mistake you need to own, openly and without excuse?

Faithful God, You have trusted us with so much. Make us faithful in the little things: the keys in the drawer, the money in the envelope, the words we could speak or keep. When we fall, help us rise again honestly, and make us people others can safely trust. Amen.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

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