The New Wall Is Two Feet Onto Our Land, and the Woman Who Built It Is My Daughter’s Godmother

A reader writes:

Joy and her husband moved in next door to us in Mandeville fourteen years ago. Our children grew up in and out of each other’s kitchens. She is godmother to our youngest. When my wife was in hospital for six weeks, Joy cooked for us every single evening. I say all this so you understand this is not a feud. It is the opposite.

For years there was just a row of croton and an old wire fence between our yards. In June, Joy’s family put up a proper block wall, plastered and painted, with steel on top. It looks good. We were away visiting my son in Florida while most of it went up, and Joy said they didn’t want to trouble us with it.

When I got back, something looked wrong. The mango tree my father planted, which was always clearly on our side, is now almost touching their wall. I dug out the survey plan from when we bought, and I paced it off myself. By my reckoning the wall is about two feet onto our land along most of its length, maybe more at the back. My wife says I’m imagining it. My brother-in-law says I should get a lawyer’s letter out immediately “before they claim it”.

I haven’t said a word to Joy. Every time I see her I smile and feel like a hypocrite. Two feet is not going to change my life. But the land is going to my children, and I don’t want them inheriting a problem. I also don’t want to lose a friend over a strip of dirt, or have church people saying I’m petty.

Do I just let it go? And if not, how do you even start that conversation?

— Lloyd, Manchester

Our response

Lloyd, your letter shows real love for Joy’s family, and that love is your best asset here. You don’t have to choose between protecting your land and keeping your friend. With patience, most people in your position can do both.

First, get the facts. Pacing it off with an old plan is a reasonable first check, but it isn’t enough to start a conversation on. Consider engaging a commissioned land surveyor to identify the boundary on the ground. It is quite possible Joy’s builder simply followed the old wire fence, which may never have been on the true line. The surveyor may confirm your concern, or show that the difference is smaller than you think, or even none at all. Either way, you will be talking about facts rather than impressions.

Then talk to Joy yourself, privately. A lawyer’s letter as a first move would probably land like a slap after fourteen years. Jesus’ advice for disagreements between believers begins simply: “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone” (Matthew 18:15). In your case, it is not even clear there is a fault, only a mistake. You might say something like: “Joy, I’ve had the boundary checked, and it looks like the wall may have gone a bit onto our side. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. Can we look at it together and work out what to do?”

Consider the options together. Neighbours in this situation have found different solutions:

• the wall is moved, perhaps with costs shared if both sides see responsibility;
• the strip is sold or exchanged formally, with a proper survey and transfer;
• the wall stays where it is, but both families sign a written acknowledgement that it does not mark the legal boundary.

An attorney-at-law can explain which options fit your situation and how to record whatever you agree. Your concern for your children is right: informal understandings often fall apart once the people who made them are gone, and long, unchallenged occupation of land can sometimes create complications. A lawyer can tell you whether timing matters in your case.

Keep your tone warm. Joy cooked for your family for six weeks. Let that shape how you speak to her. Romans 12:18 encourages us: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Raising this carefully and honestly is part of living peaceably, because it keeps a hidden problem from growing into resentment later. Silence that turns into bitterness would do more damage than an honest conversation.

And about the church people: you are not being petty. You are trying to keep the peace and pass on your father’s land without a hidden problem attached. Handled gently, this may turn out to be one more thing your two families got through together.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

Reader letters may be edited for length and clarity, and names and identifying details are changed.