Don’t Buy a House in a Bad Mood (or a Very Good One)

A friend once described buying her first home as “the most emotional spreadsheet I ever filled in”. She had columns for price, size, distance to work and monthly payments. She also had, she admitted, a column she never wrote down, for how each house made her feel when she walked through the door. In the end, that invisible column decided everything.

Most of us are like that. We tell ourselves that property decisions are about numbers, but they are shot through with feeling: hope, fear, pride, grief, excitement, envy. That is not a flaw. Homes are where we raise children, care for parents and build our lives. But feelings make unreliable surveyors, and a decision made in the grip of emotion can shape a household’s finances for twenty-five years.

Tossed by the wind

James describes a person who doubts as “like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6, NKJV). A few lines later he calls such a person “double-minded, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).

James is writing about prayer and faith, about asking God for wisdom and trusting him to give it. Just before, he says that anyone who lacks wisdom should ask God, who gives generously to all (James 1:5). The picture of the wave is not a rebuke to people who feel things deeply. It is a description of what happens when we have no anchor: every change in the weather pushes us somewhere new.

House-hunting can feel exactly like that. One week you are sure you should buy now before prices rise. The next week you read a news story and decide to wait. You fall in love with a place on Saturday and are terrified of it by Tuesday. Without something steady to hold onto, the waves decide.

The moods that make expensive decisions

Some emotional states are particularly risky when money and property are involved:

• Panic. “If we don’t buy this week, we’ll never own anything.” Urgency, real or manufactured, pushes people to skip inspections, overlook title problems or borrow more than they can manage.
• Infatuation. The perfect veranda, the view of the sea, the kitchen from a magazine. Love at first sight can hide a cracked foundation.
• Grief. After a death or divorce, people sometimes sell too quickly to escape memories, or cling to a house they can no longer afford.
• Pride and comparison. Buying to match a sibling, impress the church or prove something to the district back home.
• Exhaustion. After months of viewings, people sometimes take the next reasonable option just to make it stop.

Anchors for a steady mind

A stable mind is not an emotionless one. It is a mind with anchors that hold when feelings swing. For homebuyers and sellers, a few practical anchors can make a real difference:

• Decide your limits before you start looking. Agree a maximum price and monthly payment with your spouse or a trusted adviser while you are calm. Write it down.
• Make a short list of non-negotiables. Safe area, clean title, a certain number of bedrooms, a reasonable commute. Check every property against the list, not your mood.
• Sleep on it. Never make an offer on the same day as a first viewing if you can avoid it. The house will look different in the morning.
• Bring a sensible friend. Someone who is not emotionally invested will notice the damp patch and the busy road.
• Let professionals do their job. An inspection, a valuation and a proper legal check of the title are not obstacles to your dream. They protect it.
• Pray, and wait for peace. James promises wisdom to those who ask. Sometimes that wisdom comes as a settled sense of peace; sometimes as a nagging unease that is worth listening to.

Feelings still have a vote

None of this means feelings should be ignored. If a house feels wrong in a way you cannot explain, pay attention. If a place fills you with joy and also fits the numbers, that joy is a gift. My friend with the invisible column did, in the end, buy the house that made her happiest. But she bought it after the inspection, after the lawyer had checked the title and after she had lived with the figures for a fortnight. The feeling was the same. The decision was steadier.

Waves will come, in house-hunting as in life. The aim is not to stop feeling them. It is to be anchored well enough that they do not decide where you end up.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.