In many families, the land has more names than the people who own it. There is “Granny’s piece”, “the part by the mango tree”, “Uncle Lloyd’s side”, “where the old kitchen used to be”, and, said a little more quietly, “the part that’s in dispute”. Every name carries a memory. Some carry a grudge.
Churches have a similar habit. Walk through any town and you will pass signboards with names so long and specific that you wonder how many splits it took to arrive at them. It is easy to smile. It is harder to admit that we do the very same thing at home, dividing one household into camps and giving each camp a label.
The prayer Jesus prayed before the cross
On the night He was betrayed, Jesus prayed for His followers, and then for everyone who would believe through them. The heart of that prayer is striking:
“That they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.” (John 17:21, NKJV)
Notice what Jesus ties together. The unity of His people is not a private comfort; it is a witness. When believers live as one, the world sees something of who Jesus is. When they splinter, the world sees that too.
A family is not a church, but the principle travels well. Neighbours notice when siblings who grew up in the same house can no longer sit on the same veranda. Children notice when every visit to the family land comes with a warning about who not to talk to. Our homes are small pulpits, and they preach whether we intend them to or not.
How labels harden into walls
Division rarely begins with a big betrayal. More often it begins with a nickname. One brother is “the one who went foreign and forgot us”. A sister is “the one who took over Mama’s house”. A cousin becomes “the one who wants to sell”. Once the label sticks, every action gets read through it. The brother abroad sends money for the roof, and someone says he is trying to buy a say. The sister living in the house fixes the gate, and someone says she is staking a claim.
Before long, a family that shares one yard is operating like several small denominations, each with its own version of history and its own list of grievances. Nobody set out to build walls. They were built one name at a time.
Paul had to address this in Corinth, where believers were lining up behind favourite teachers: “I am of Paul”, “I am of Apollos”. His answer was blunt: “Is Christ divided?” (1 Corinthians 1:13, NKJV). It is a fair question to ask at a family land meeting too. Is this inheritance, this house, this heritage, really so divided that we must be?
Oneness is not the same as sameness
Unity does not mean everyone agrees on what to do with the property. Some relatives will want to build; others will want to keep the land as it is; others simply want to know their name is on the paperwork. Jesus did not pray that His followers would all be identical. He prayed they would be one, in the way the Father and the Son are one: distinct, yet bound in love and shared purpose.
In a family, that might look like a few practical choices:
- Calling each person by their name, not their label, especially when they are not in the room.
- Assuming good intent first, and asking before accusing. “Why did you fence that side?” opens a conversation. “You’re trying to grab land” closes one.
- Getting the facts in writing together, so that no one’s memory becomes the official record. A proper survey and clear documents can protect relationships as much as property.
- Including the relatives abroad and the ones who stayed, the ones with money and the ones without, in the same meeting, on the same terms.
- Letting some disagreements stay unresolved for a season without turning them into a verdict on the whole family.
Receiving one another
Paul wrote to another divided church, in Rome, with a simple instruction: “Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God” (Romans 15:7, NKJV). Christ received us before we had our act together. He did not wait for us to pick the right side.
Picture what that could mean on an ordinary Sunday afternoon. The cousin who has not visited in years pulls up at the gate, unsure of her welcome. Someone could meet her with a list of what she owes. Or someone could put a plate in her hand, pull out a chair under the breadfruit tree and ask about her children. The paperwork will still need to be sorted out. But it will be sorted out between relatives who are speaking, not between camps.
That is not naive. It is simply choosing which reality to put first. We are one family before we are co-owners, heirs or claimants. In Christ, believers are brothers and sisters before we are members of any particular congregation. When we get the order right, the other questions become easier to hold.
For reflection
- What labels have you, or your family, attached to relatives over the years? Which of them would you be embarrassed for that person to overhear?
- Is there one relative you could “receive” this month with a call, a visit or a meal, without first settling who was right?
A short prayer: Lord Jesus, You prayed that we would be one. Forgive us for the walls we have built with words. Give us the humility to receive one another as You have received us, around our tables, in our yards and in Your church. Amen.
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