Twenty-Seven Years in Church Houses, and No Idea Where We Will Live When My Husband Retires

A reader writes:

My husband has pastored for twenty-seven years across four churches in two parishes. Every one of those churches provided a manse, and we have been grateful. We raised three children in those houses. I have planted gardens in four yards that other women are now enjoying.

He is sixty-one. The conference expects him to step down in a few years. And I have realised, suddenly and late, that when he does, we will have to hand back the keys, and we have nowhere to go.

We never bought anything. Pastor’s pay was always modest, the children needed schooling, and there was always somebody in the congregation in greater need. We have some savings, but not much. There is a pension, but I honestly don’t know what it will come to. My husband has never been comfortable talking about money for himself.

When I raise it, he says, “Mother, the Lord has provided every step of the way. He will provide this too.” I know that is true. I have seen it. But I lie awake picturing us at seventy in our daughter’s spare room, him feeling like a burden. Then I feel ashamed, because I am a pastor’s wife and I am supposed to be the one encouraging other people not to fear.

Is my worry a lack of faith? And if it isn’t, what should we be doing now?

— Mrs G., Clarendon

Our response

Mrs G., thank you for your years of service, including the gardens. What you are feeling is not a lack of faith. It is what happens when a real question has gone unasked for a long time. Fear loses much of its grip once a question is brought into the light and given some shape. Your husband is right that God has provided. It is also true that God often provides through planning, conversations and the people around us.

Scripture is not shy about the needs of those who serve. Jesus said the worker deserves his wages (Luke 10:7), and Paul applied the same principle to those who labour in teaching and preaching (1 Timothy 5:17-18). Asking what will happen to a pastor’s family when the ministry years end is not greedy. It is responsible, for you and for the church.

Start with information

• Ask the conference or denomination, in writing, for a statement of what the pension is expected to pay and when. Ask whether there is any provision or support for retiring ministers’ housing, and how long you would normally have to leave the manse.
• List everything you have: savings, any insurance with a cash value, any family land either of you has a share in.
• Work out roughly what you would need each month to live, including rent if you rented.

Then look at the options

Depending on what you find, some possibilities to explore with a financial adviser include:

• Buying something small now, while your husband is still earning, and perhaps renting it out until you need it.
• Looking at whether family land could be a site for a modest house, with the family’s clear agreement and proper paperwork.
• Planning deliberately to rent in retirement, which is a perfectly respectable choice if the numbers are understood and savings are set aside for it.
• Asking about any housing schemes or programmes you may be eligible for.
• Talking openly with your children. Living near one of them, or even with one of them for a time, need not mean being a burden if it is planned together rather than arrived at in a crisis.

Talking with your husband

Many ministers find it much easier to fight for their congregation than for themselves. You might frame it as something you will pray about and plan for together: “I trust God with this. I want us to trust Him with our eyes open.” It may help to involve a trusted older colleague or retired pastor who has been through the transition, or a member of the church board who handles finances. Several churches quietly help retiring ministers, but they cannot help with a need they have never been told about.

Retirement is still a few years off. That is time enough to change the picture a good deal. Start this month, with one letter and one conversation.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

Reader letters may be edited for length and clarity, and names and identifying details are changed.

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