There is a verse in 1 John that is easy to rush past on the way to the more famous ones. John has just given one of the clearest definitions of love in the Bible: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10, NIV). Then, two verses later, he says something startling:
“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (1 John 4:12, NIV)
No one has ever seen God. But people can see us. And where people who have received God’s love go on to love one another, something of God becomes visible in a house, a yard, a street.
Love that starts somewhere else
John is careful about the order. Love does not start with us. It does not start with how hard we try to be kind to the in-laws or patient with the tenant downstairs. It starts with God, who loved us first and gave what was dearest to Him for people who had no way to save themselves. Everything else flows from that.
That matters in a household, because most of us run out of love fairly quickly. After a long shift, a leaking roof and a child who will not do homework, our supply of patience is thin. John’s point is that we are not meant to be the source. We are meant to be the channel, receiving and passing on a love that comes from somewhere deeper.
Made complete, where?
The phrase “made complete” can sound strange. How can our small, weak love complete God’s love? It is not that God’s love is lacking. It is that His love reaches its intended goal when it moves through us to other people. A letter is written complete, but it is not delivered until it reaches the person it was addressed to.
And where does that delivery usually happen? Not mainly in grand gestures. Mostly in the places we live.
- A mother in a one-room rental who shares her pot with the young man next door who has just lost his job.
- A landlord who knocks off a month’s rent for a tenant whose husband has died, without being asked.
- A brother who gives up his claim to part of the family land so that his sister, who cared for their parents, can keep the house.
- A couple who open their spare room to a cousin coming out of hospital.
- A teenager who sits with his grandmother every evening so his parents can rest.
None of those people would describe what they did as “completing God’s love.” But that is what John says it is.
Love that costs something
John’s definition of love is not sentimental. It is a sacrifice. The Father gave the Son; the Son gave Himself. So it should not surprise us that love in a household often costs something too. Time. Space. Money. Pride. The last piece of chicken. The right to win the argument.
There are homes that look very loving from the gate, all nice paint and polite greetings, where nobody actually gives anything up for anyone else. And there are cramped, noisy, unfinished homes where people constantly make small sacrifices for each other. John would recognise God living in the second kind more readily than the first.
When love is hard at home
Some readers live in homes where love is very hard indeed. A spouse who is cold, a sibling who has cheated you over property, a parent who never says a kind word. John is not asking anyone to pretend that is fine, and loving someone never means accepting abuse or staying in danger. But in ordinary friction, he does invite us to go back to the source. When our own love is exhausted, we can return to the love that sent Jesus to the cross for people who did not deserve it, which includes us. From there, it is often possible to find a little more for the person across the table.
For reflection
- If someone watched your household for a week, where would they see God’s love being “made complete”?
- Is there one person under your roof, or near it, to whom you could pass on God’s love in a costly way this week?
A prayer
Father, thank You that love began with You and not with me. Thank You for sending Your Son for my sins. When my own love runs dry at home, fill me again from Yours. Let our household be a place where people who have never seen You can see something of You in how we treat one another. Make Your love complete in us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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