My Tenant Sits Two Pews in Front of Me, and He Hasn’t Paid Rent Since June

A reader writes:

When my grandmother died she left me her little two-bedroom flat. I live with my husband in his house, so we decided to rent it out. I had never been a landlord. I didn’t want to rent to strangers, so when a brother from church said his family needed somewhere, it felt like an answer to prayer. He is a respected man. He leads devotions some Sundays. His wife is lovely and their boys are in the youth choir.

We did a simple agreement. I charged less than the flat would get on the open market because I wanted to be a blessing. For the first eight months the rent came on time.

Since June, nothing. It is now October. The first month he said the money was held up. The second month his wife said he would sort it out. Since then he doesn’t answer my messages, but he still greets me on Sunday like nothing is wrong. Last week he prayed over the offering. I sat there feeling sick.

My husband says I should just give them notice and be done with it. My mother says I can’t put a church family on the road and people will talk. I don’t know if they are struggling or just taking advantage of me because I’m young and soft. And the flat’s water rate and property tax are still in my name, so I am paying out every month.

Do I go to the pastor? Do I keep quiet? I feel like I’m being tested and I’m failing.

— Simone, Spanish Town

Our response

Simone, you are not failing. You are in one of the hardest spots a landlord can be in, because two relationships have been folded into one. You are his sister in Christ and you are his landlord. The trouble comes when one of those roles is used to avoid the responsibilities of the other. Right now, the church relationship is making it very hard to speak about the business one. That needs to change, for both your sakes.

Speak to him directly, and privately

Jesus’ instruction for a wrong between believers begins with a private conversation, just the two of you (Matthew 18:15). Not the pastor first, not the church sisters, not your mother. Ask to meet him and his wife somewhere neutral, and bring your husband if that helps. Be calm and specific: “The rent has not been paid for June to October. That is five months. I need to understand what is happening and agree a plan.”

Then listen. There may be a real crisis: a lost job, an illness, a debt nobody knows about. Shame often makes people go quiet and keep smiling. If that is the case, you can decide how much grace to extend, and on what terms. If it becomes clear he is simply taking advantage, you will know that too.

Put it on paper

• Write down the dates, amounts owed and every message sent. Keep copies.
• If you agree a payment plan, write it down and have both of you sign it: how much, when, and what happens if a payment is missed.
• Re-read your tenancy agreement. Check what it says about late rent, notice and utilities.
• If the arrears continue, speak to an attorney-at-law about the proper process for giving notice and recovering possession where you live. Do not change the locks, remove belongings or cut off water or electricity yourself. Apart from being unkind, self-help evictions can put you on the wrong side of the law.

When to involve the church

If the private conversation goes nowhere, the same passage speaks of bringing one or two others. An elder or a mature, trusted member could sit in as a mediator, with his knowledge, not behind his back. Speaking to your pastor at that stage is not gossip. Telling the story around the church hall would be.

Being kind is not the same as having no boundaries

Your mother is right that a family’s home is not something to treat lightly. Your husband is right that this cannot go on indefinitely. Both can be true. You can offer a reduced rent for a season, a payment plan, or more time to find somewhere cheaper, and still say clearly that the current situation must end. Kindness that lets someone keep doing wrong is not really kindness to them.

Lastly, for future tenants: a written agreement, a deposit, and a clear process for late rent protect friendships. They are not a sign of distrust.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

Reader letters may be edited for length and clarity, and names and identifying details are changed.

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