Every Voice Note From My Nephew Ends With ‘Auntie, Just One More Thing’

A reader writes:

I am sixty-seven and I have worked as a home health aide in Atlanta for twenty-six years. All that time I have been planning to go home to St Mary and live out my days in my own house on the land my mother left me. Three years ago I finally started building.

My late sister’s son, Devon, is overseeing it. He is a good boy, or he was. He does some construction work himself and he knows people. I trusted him because I could not trust a stranger, and because I promised my sister I would look out for him.

At first it went well. He would send me photos of the foundation, then the blocks going up. But in the last year every voice note ends the same way. “Auntie, the price of steel gone up.” “Auntie, the mason need paying before Friday.” “Auntie, just one more thing and then we can cast the roof.” I have sent more than I ever planned to, and the photos the last three times looked almost the same to me. I asked him for receipts once and he went quiet for two weeks, then said he felt like I was calling him a thief.

I lie awake doing sums. Sometimes I imagine he has built a house of his own with my money. Then I feel wicked for thinking it about my own sister’s child. My pastor here says to guard my thoughts, but I can’t tell anymore which thoughts are wisdom and which are just fear.

I want my house. I also want my nephew. How do I get answers without losing him?

— Hyacinth, Georgia

Our response

Hyacinth, the fact that you are torn between suspicion and guilt tells us you love him. It also tells us the current arrangement is not working, for either of you. Right now Devon is carrying all the responsibility with none of the structure, and you are carrying all the risk with none of the information. That breeds exactly the kind of 3am thinking you describe, whether or not anything is wrong.

Your pastor’s advice is good, and it may help to see that renewing your mind does not mean silencing every doubt. It means replacing guesses with facts. The apostle Paul, handling money that churches had given, said he took care to do what was right not only before the Lord but also in the sight of people (2 Corinthians 8:21). Asking for clear accounts is not an accusation. It is how honest people protect each other.

A reset, not a rupture

Consider telling Devon, warmly and in writing, that you are changing how the project runs, not because you suspect him but because you are nearing retirement and need to plan properly. Then pause new money until you have these things in place:

1. A full picture of where things stand. What has been built, what has been bought, what is left to do. A written list of costs to finish, stage by stage.
2. Independent eyes. Ask a quantity surveyor, engineer or other qualified person with no family connection to visit, confirm the stage the house has reached and give a rough view of what remains. Someone you trust could also walk the site on a video call with you.
3. Pay suppliers directly where you can. Many hardware suppliers will take payment for a specific order of blocks, steel or cement and deliver to site. That removes the temptation, and the suspicion, from Devon’s hands.
4. Milestone payments. Agree amounts for each stage, released when there is photo and video evidence and, ideally, independent confirmation.
5. A simple written agreement. Even between family, set out Devon’s role, whether he is paid for managing the build, and how receipts will be shared.

If the answers are not good

Prices really have risen in many places, and he may be telling the truth. If the checks show money is unaccounted for, you will then have to decide, with advice, whether to bring in a different builder and how to handle what has been lost. An attorney-at-law back home can explain your options. Whatever happens, you can still love him and refuse to keep funding something you cannot see.

And take heart. A house that is finished a little later, with clear accounts, is far better than one finished quickly on a broken relationship.

This article is general information only and is not financial, legal, tax or other professional advice. Please speak to a qualified professional about your own circumstances.

Reader letters may be edited for length and clarity, and names and identifying details are changed.